i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i now understand why vodka
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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