Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think i have herpe
just one?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
