Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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