Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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