so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
