There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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