i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
