No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
