I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
