they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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