I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
