So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
