Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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