WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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