My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
