I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
