i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
