if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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