is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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