BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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