We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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