OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
