I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
