been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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