y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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