like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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