New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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