Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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