But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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