She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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