oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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