Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
