just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
