just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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