Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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