i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
