haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
