The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
