got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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