hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
