Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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