I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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