We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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