Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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