I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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