Nicole vs. Life
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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