yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
