genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
