Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
