i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
