I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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