Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
