Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
