woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
