I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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