Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
