i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
