Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
