Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
