I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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