we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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