so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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