I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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